


Villainous Kart

by tiedyeflag



Category: Villainous (Cartoon)
Genre: M/M, Paperhat - Freeform, and bh liking it, bh bad with technology, flug getting road rage over mario kart, video games - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-27
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2019-03-10 08:58:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13498762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiedyeflag/pseuds/tiedyeflag
Summary: Flug gets 'road rage'...in video games. And Black Hat finds himself intrigued.





	Villainous Kart

Flug pushed the power button on the game console, and the TV flickered to life with a main menu. He sighed as he walked back to the couch and plopped down. It was one of his scarce, sacred nights off, and he decided it’d be healthier to play some video games than to eat another bowl of instant noodles. Beneath his dark goggles, his eyes steeled as he pointed the Wii remote to the screen and selected a game.

* * *

 

As the clock struck one in the morning, Black Hat slunk down the hallways, sticking to the shadows. After a long day of paperwork, commercials, and berating that bloody cute--bloody stupid scientist, he needed a long, cold drink of arsenic. He held it in the palm of his hand, and took a sip every now and then. The cool, acidic taste lingered in his mouth and left a refreshing, rotting aftertaste in his throat. He could even feel it try to destroy his stomach and guts--oh, but no mortal poison could match Black Hat!

When he was about to turn a corner to his quarters, he heard something, or someone. Someone’s voice with such angry, frustrated energy. Black Hat froze and listened.

“...Oh, god %$#@ing damn it!!”

Black Hat blinked. That familiar voice...it wasn’t Demencia’s and 505 was rendered mute by his own hand, but it couldn’t be…?

After finishing his arsenic in a single swig, he enveloped himself into black flames and slithered down the hall in the form of a stream of dark smoke. One of the doors in the hallway had light peeking under it. Black Hat rematerialized and pressed his ear to the door.

“C’mon, c’mon, c’mon--Oh you mother %$#@er!” barked the voice. “Stick that blue shell up your ass!”

Black Hat jerked away, half in awe and half in confusion as he heard the sounds of tires screeching and high pitched voices.

Using the tips of his claws, he turned the door handle, and slowly, slowly cracked the door open. He peeked inside, realizing this was the game room that he forgot even existed, and saw bright images flashing across the screen of cartoon characters driving ridiculous cars and motorcycles. And sitting on the edge of the red couch, hunched over a bizarrely shaped controller, was Flug.

Flug, the scrawniest an evil scientist to ever evil, the meekest mortal to ever set foot into Black Hat Inc. mansion, the most timid soul Black Hat had ever laid claws on...Here he was, cursing like a sailor over a video game.

“Flug!!” yelled Black Hat as he slammed open the door.

“Eeek!!!” Flug squealed like a pig at the slaughter. His hands juggled the controller before they dropped it to his feet. Then Flug scrambled to his feet, and turned around to Black Hat. “Y--Yes, sir?”

“What are you doing?”

“I--I’m--Um--Uh--” Flug stuttered, “I was--was playing a video game, sir.”

Black Hat tilted his head.

“It--It’s like a...like playing a sport through a visual representation--”

“I know what a video game is, idiot!” hissed Black Hat. Well, he mostly did.

After a flinch, Flug continued, “W--Well, I thought since it--it’s still my day off, I could play some games,”

“What kind of games?”

“Uh--Um, I’ve just been playing Mario Kart,”

Black Hat glanced at the screen. Goofy characters in vehicles ranging from realistic to ridiculous zipped across the screen. One lone driver, a round dinosaur creature, was sitting in place as other drivers passed it. Then the screen displayed a checkered banner with the rainbow letters FINISH on it, and the camera zoomed in on the driver moaning and holding its face, making the most pathetic, disappointed squeaks.

“ _ That _ game?” Black Hat pointed at the TV.

Flug nodded meekly.

“That ridiculous form of virtual entertainment caused you to curse like a mad man?!”

Flug’s eyes widened and his face reddened. He spun his bag and goggles a hundred and eighty degrees and tittered to himself in the shamful darkness of his bag. “I--I’m so sorry, sir! I had no idea I was so loud!”

“Why are you sorry?”

“Eh?” Flug turned his bag back the right way.

“You’re a villain, yet you speak like a snivelling pedestrian!” He paused. “But just now, your voice was filled with such...such rage...such rage and lust for destruction! A bit crudely but still!” Black Hat almost beamed, but his expression changed to confusion. “And it’s over a racing game for children?!”

Flug shyly chuckled. “Y--Yeah…”

Black Hat dragged his hand over his face. “You baffle me sometimes, doctor,”

“W--Would you...um, n--nevermind,”

“Nevermind what?”

Flug hesitantly picked up the video game controller and handed it to Black Hat. “M--Maybe playing it would help you understand?”

* * *

 

Black Hat grit his teeth as his taloned fingers mashed onto the tiny buttons of the controller. His character, a massive turtle with spikes on its shell and horns on its head, veered off the corner for the third time and into the lava.

“GrrrrrRRRR!!” growled Black Hat. His eyes were on the verge of turning black in rage when he looked over to Flug. Like before, he sat on the edge of his seat, elbows resting atop his knees with feet planted firmly to the ground. His eyes focused on the screen, and his deft fingers pressed the buttons and nudged the joysticks just so…

“Oh, ‘effing hell!” Flug yelled.

“What?”

“How the hell did I get hit with  _ three _ red shells in a row?!” Flug said. “I didn’t come play to get screwed in the ass--” He cut himself off with a gasp, and he glanced at Black Hat. His adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, and he croaked, “I--I mean, um, eheh…Uh, you’re driving into a wall, sir,”

Black Hat glared at the screen and sure enough, his character was continuously hitting the wall. He flicked the joystick and turned the car back onto the road...going in the opposite direction. A creature floated in front of him holding a sign with a U-turn arrow flashing on it. Grunting, he turned the car around, crashing into other karts.

“How dare you get in my way, you animals!!” He screeched.

“Uh, th-they’re just CPU’s, sir,”

“What does that mean?”

“They--They’re not real people driving. They’re just the computer, so they can’t hea--”

Suddenly, in Flug’s half of the screen, came a flash of blue, and an explosion.

“Oh, great, just what I want--”

Another blue explosion sending Flug flying into the air in the game, and then in real life.

“Are you @#$%ing kidding me?!” Flug leapt to his feet in rage. His legs wide and firm, shoulders coiled, hands clasping the controller so hard his knuckles went white--

Black Hat’s cheeks grew uncomfortably warm.

Flug continued to play standing up, pressing the buttons hard until his driver crossed the finish line in third place. When the finish banner appeared across his half of the screen, all the tension in his body evaporated, and he collapsed back onto the couch.

Meanwhile, Black Hat suddenly slipped on a banana peel, and as more karts sipped past him, he grit his teeth. But just as he gathered his bearings, and the finish line was in sight, one last kart drove past him, and zipped over the line before him.

“Why you--!!” Black Hat clenched his claws around the claws, digging into the plastic. His eyes went black as ink, and his pupil red as blood.

“S...Sir…?” asked Flug.

With a roar, Black Hat crushed his controller, grew in height until his hat hit the ceiling, and transformed into a drooling, towering monstrosity that marched towards the television. Flug squeaked, and covered his face in fear. He heard plastic cracking, metal breaking, claws scratching, and finally, a crashing.

Flug hesitantly opened his eyes. His blood went cold as he saw the pile of destroyed electronic scraps where the TV once sat. Black Hat’s back faced him, heaving as he panted. Slowly, Black Hat looked over his shoulder. Flug squeaked, frozen in his seat. Black Hat snorted, eyes still gleaming with evil and teeth still sharp, lumbering closer.

In a state of shock and sleepiness, Flug fainted.

* * *

 

Flug awoke by the firm nudge of a cool, wet nose. When he cracked open his eyes, he saw 505’s face an inch from his own. The bear chirped and licked his bag in joy.

“Mmph, mornin’ Fives…” mumbled Flug. He reached a hand and buried his fingers in 505’s thick blue fur. Oh, it was everything compared to the worn old cushions of the couch--

Wait.

Flug lurched to a sitting position and fully opened his eyes. He was still on the couch in the game room, still in his clothes. However, he found a large, fluffy afghan pooled in his lap. Flug looked at where the TV was--a new, sleek one sat there, and a giant red sticky note stuck to the screen.

“Hey Fives,” Flug pointed at the sticky note, “Can you grab that for me, please?”

505 waddled to the screen, nommed the sticky note in his mouth, and placed it into Flug’s hands. 

“Thanks, buddy,” Flug said. 505 laid his head into Flug’s lap, and as Flug stroked his fur, he read the writing in ink so black it put Indian ink to shame.

_ Flug, _

_ I bought a new television, but the idiots from the store were incompetent in ‘installing’ it, whatever the hell that means. I am granting you one more day off so you can fix it. Know it’s coming straight out of your paycheck. Be grateful I’m not sending you to the pits of hell for an eternity. _

_ Black Hat _

Flug didn’t know if he should sigh with relief or groan. After dragging a hand down his paper bag, he flipped the note over.

_ P.S. I would like a rematch for our last race. I want to learn more about these games. FOR PURELY EVIL PURPOSES! _

Flug arched his eyebrows. Weird...but in the back of his mind, he liked the idea of playing with another person for once. Besides Dementia--she turned her controller into a chew toy every time. And 505’s paws were just too big--and hell forbid he hear Flug’s road rage.

Black Hat...he was an angry, evil eldritch from hell. Not what he’d wish for his ideal game partner, but given the choice...Besides, Black Hat’s curiosity in video games piqued Flug’s own.

“Wonder if he’d be interested in some Super Smash Bros, too…” Flug wondered aloud.


End file.
